Dark Days

These are dark days in our house.   I took my oldest Great Dane to the vet on Tuesday night for a spur of the moment appointment when I discovered that his urine was blood red.  And I don’t mean just tinged with red.  I mean blood.  It was scary, but I figured that maybe he was just dealing with another UTI or something.

I am always a little afraid to take him to the vet, because he’s a 9yo Great Dane.  I’m already living on borrowed time with him, according to the experts.  Well, the other shoe has dropped.  They found a HUGE tumor in his abdomen — football sized.  There’s nothing to be done.  It’s very aggressive, and I don’t have much time with him.

I’ve spent the last 3 days crying…weeping, really.  It’s been difficult to force myself to leave the house, knowing that my days with him are numbered.  He’s been the best companion in the world, and he’s been in my life longer than my very own husband.  I just hope that, when the time comes to help him along, I have the courage to do it and the strength to not be selfish.

I guess I’m just not ready to say goodbye to my most loyal, most loving companion.

I contacted the vet, and they assured me that they would make a house call for him when the time comes, so that he’s not afraid, and so that our younger girl Dane isn’t so traumatized if he were to just disappear.  She’s never know a house without him. 

Dark days.  Very dark days.  Here I go, crying again.  I’m going to go downstairs now to hug on him for a while.